Tuesday, May 27, 2008

First New Day of the rest of my Life

Today is a much brighter day, thanks to your comments. I want to share some of my dads flowers that he took very good care of but the crab grass is smothering everything right now.

I love the bearded iris and I hope to find one soon. I know it's too late to look for tubers, but there are plenty of nurseries so I am hoping I will find one or a piece of the tuber.

This day lily is beautiful in real life. It looks and feels like velvet and was hoping they would let me divide one.

Now peonies are very difficult to grow in the deep south, but somehow, my dads green thumb did it.

As you can see a dandelion wanted space also. There are 2 others but my brother didn't know it was a flower and put a board on top, so they almost died, but they didn't bloom.

Dad has a huge variety of amarillas and he started many from seeds, which I have some huge containers of he gave us, but will have to wait until next year to see what
kind they are.

Gardening was my favorite things to do, but with my spine and hip, it's difficult to keep up and Al let it really let my garden go to pot-lol

An older lady gave me a piece of Seven Sisters rose vine and I hope that it grows like hers.

Now this is a favorite of mine, but it wasn't trained as it should have been and they won't let me touch it. I did take some cuttings and hope that they take.

I have the perfect place for it, so hopefully it will take.

You can barely see the hummer in the picture but it's on the right side with just his tail poking out. I sat out one day and watched as they fought over the feeder instead of sharing it. I never quite understood some of the pictures I've seen with the feeders loaded with hummers.

I finally realized that you have to put your pictures in last to first, so maybe someday I

will catch on to the art of blogging.

So I hope you all enjoy your day. I have a small section outside I want to clean up before I walk to the eye doctor. Please keep me in your prayers that I don't have cataracts. I am afraid of having eye surgery more than anything, so hoping that the film over my eyes is nothing.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Today is a new beginning

Well it has been a while since I have posted. Guess some of you thought I gave up. Today begins a new life for me. My sister, whom I had been very close to, called last weekend and I quote, "From this minute on, you are no longer my sister". It came as a shock, but my life doesn't have to revolve around her. We can choose our friends, but not family and sometimes, our spirits can be affected by them. I am the first to admit I got ugly about things because some things "disappeared" and she didn't want to honor dad's wishes when it came to me. She is only honoring every one elses. She called me some horrible names, but she had been doing that when I lived in her apt. which by the way, never had a finished shower, so I had to go inside to bathe. She also called me a greedy and selfish person and said I could not get any more ugly than I have already.

Yes, we all tend to get ugly at times, but greedy and selfish I am not, just by walking into her house and seeing all the beautiful things I bought her, because she really didn't know how to decorate. I'm not an expert, but she has recieved lots of compliments about her house and even she bragged about it to her friends. Some of you also know that I am not selfish, because when someone needs help, I am there when able to. I know the pain will go away and it's sooner than I thought. I never dreamed that my sister would ever treat me so badly, but then she bossed me around ever since I can remember. She has a violent side to her and I have witnessed it 3 times, once beating our mom up when I couldn't do anything about it because I was pregnant, beat her other sister up over a bathtub of water and finally more recently beating her daughter up over a ring around the tub.

I asked God for forgiveness for the ugly things I did and said and He loves me enough to do that. I am now a true orphan with only my children and a few aunts. This honestly feels like a cancer eating at my soul, so today, I choose to live my life the way God intended me to and going back to making and sharing the crafts that I make. I inherited my moms talent, except for painting. I can quilt the way she does, but would love to learn the old way of doing them by hand.

My sister also said that I used a kind hearted man to get what I wanted. NOT! I am not the one who borrowed 5 digits of money from them and put that stress on them, especailly when my bil filed bankruptcy and my dad had to pay the note and 2 of them didn't pay my dad until about a month before he died, without interest. One still owes over $14,000 and one over $54,000, but yet I am the one who loaned my parents money when they wouldn't pay on their debts. I am not the one who hurt my dad and I did not use him or beg him for anything. I did ask him for my mom's serger and new sewing machine and he gave them to me, but they have disappeared and I honestly feel like I know who has them. Also the pain of my dad giving one of the younger sister's my mom's wedding ring, stung so bad. She also took the retirement plaque, but I have one thing they can never have, I gave my dad his last breathe and it wasn't easy giving CPR in my condition. One of them said I let my dad die at the hospital and said I signed papers for them not to do anything. I disregarded his living will and told them to do whatever they could to save him or keep him alive until my other siblings got there.

So today, I am asking for your prayers to help heal my wounds, especially those from my childhood. I could write a book, which my oldest son wants me to do, but there are some things, I would prefer for him not to know.

If any of you can offer some advice, I am willing to read it and maybe I am being ugly about taking this to court, but I don't see any other solution. My heart aches so much and I have decided to see a pyscologist again. Our priest was supposed to come talk with me twice and never showed up. My posts will be different from now on. I needed to get this off my chest, so I can start healing. I know some things should not be posted, but I feel like Amy did when she was so angry. I miss my parents so much and I don't think that pain will ever go away, but we are all gifts from God and He calls us all home at His choosing. So please forgive me for this post and I humbly ask for your prayers. Pat

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Nasty weather in the south

Hi everyone. Just wanted to check in before I leave. Hopefully my laptop will have internet service soon. A dear sweet friend is sending me a wireless card, so now I can contact ATT and keep in touch. I cried when she e-mailed me and this is the bestest RAK.

Things are rougher now and I lost my best friend (not by death). I never dreamed this would happen, but too many bad words cut through my heart. I know the wound will heal, but it's hard to forget the horrible things I was called----a money grubbing bitch. If I were truly that, I would be begging for help to get that little $25,000 house so I could get away from all the things that are killing my spirit. I have resigned myself and to God to let Him handle everything as He sees fit. I do believe in God's justice and He doesn't come down to punish, but in the bible, it clearly calls for His justice. I have seen the bad things that happened to people who hurt me badly, but now I am praying that He will forgive them.

I hope you all had a wonderful Mothers Day. Mine was spent in bed. I collasped Saturday night from sheer mental and physical exhaustion. My dr was at a pain seminar, but they called on Monday and will be changing my meds and calling my PCP to see if they will do my injections for me, since the one who would give them to, will no longer do it. She was here 2 weeks in a row and refused.

I am happy right now and I refuse to become a doormat again. We moved this person 5 times in 4 years and never got helped when I moved, but now she finds the time to help another pack her things and put them in storage.

The succession is not going as the will stated, so I may have to get an attorney, so will check into legal aid, so it won't cost me anything. I didn't make the debts that are owed on the estate and they should be going after the one who owes it, so that all debts are clear and we won't have to sell our parents furniture and things. The money means nothing, it's now about principal.

I am thinking of changing my blog, so that unwanted people can't find it. I will let you all know when that happens.

Yolanda and Mary, I have not forgotten about the RAK. I am busy collecting just the right things for each of you, so it will be a surprise when you Do get it.

My staph has cleared up and don't you know I went and cut myself again, but since my body is pumped up with a strong antibiodic, this one shouldn't get infected, but watching it closely. I need some heavy duty work gloves just to do ordinary housework.

I am feeling so much better now. God has been good to me and I know that He will get me through this ordeal. I thank you all for your prayers and concerns. You are truly cyber sisters.

I need to explain why me and my husband cannot live together. About 5 years ago, after coming out of ICU, the bills were so bad and we argued constantly, but we still love each other---we are better away from each other than under the same roof. I wanted to leave 5 years ago, because I don't like being yelled at---my mom did it all ours lives. I accept some of the blame for his anger, but at that time, I had no place to go and didn't know what to do until my sister moved and had an apt that I could live in. So I got help---I had been partially disabled until 2003 and now my spine and hip have degenerative disease and only the hip can be fixed. With the way things are going, I will be forced to move back in with him and lose my medical card, so not sure if all my meds can be gotten at Wal-Mart for that $4 price tag. Some of them are very expensive. I know this is a lot to share on public forum. I am now 100% disabled and so afraid to fall and break my hip, as I go into respiratory distress after surgery and don't want to end up in ICU again on a ventilator. I pray often that scientist will discover a way to put back the cushion between the vertbraes, but so far, only gold is available and it's expensive and doesn't last very long. This hopefully will put some questions to rest and I can post the way a true blogger posts.

I am hoping to have things done before Christmas to open my own little etsy shop. I want to sell my cards and squash books and make some glittery things. I also have some craft supplies that I can sell in cute packaging.

Well, hopefully by next week, I can be here more often and post some cool things. Praying for God's Blessings for all of you. Love and Hugs, Pat

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Lost my post--help retrieving it

Well I had a post done and I hit preview and now it's gone. It is saved in draft form, so can anyone tell me how to get it without going posting it all over again?

I wanted everyone to know I'm fine and still alive and I hope that you all had a wonderful Mother's Day. I hope you enjoyed your family.

Hopefully before I go back to the country tomorrow, someone can help me retrieve my post, other wise, I will do it over. Will visit you all later---have lots to do---I want to prep some things to make cards since I am no longer working my hiney off cleaning rooms. The rooms I am staying in are clean.

See you later. Love and Hugs, Pat