I need to take a break

I got some really bad news today and needless to say, my so called sister is not the person I thought her to be. She has threatened to report me to Disability, because she doesn't believe that I don't want to live with Al anymore. I am so messed up right now and all I did was cry after reading the email she sent to Al. I need prayers so badly. I am also going to lose what little I was going to get from my inheritance because she is having the judge sell it at auction and she will get most of the money, just as we thought from the beginning. Her business is failing and also her husband's isn't doing too good according to Al.
I needed my granddaughter to come and stay with me for a day after my angiogram, but my son said he was sorry, but he was afraid to allow them to come with all the assaults that were against me and while I don't blame him, it hurts very much. I have not seen them in so long and I miss them.
I will come back and let you know how my angiogram went and if they had to put stints or worse, open heart surgery. I consider myself a strong person, but right now, I am so weak and have just my children as family. I know that I lay too much out there in blog land and have lost many visitors and I do understand. Who wants to hear all that negativity. I was so happy for the last weeks and then this.

Also my 1st cousin died in Florida at the age of 50. They won't know anything until the autopsy. She had breast cancer and she was in great pain and the county they live in, no doctor gives pain medication, so they drove to the next county. She fell asleep and the driver got tired, so they pulled over and in the morning when they woke up, they could not wake her. She had died during the night. She was my aunt's youngest and we are all taking it very hard. She too will be cremated. So Please keep my aunt and her children in your prayers.

I have to pack and I just don't know where I will go from here, so I need the week to try and pack as much as I can and store it at Al's. If he can find an apt he can afford, he will let me live in his house, so please pray for that to be possible.
I love all of you for being patient with me and I will try to be a better blogger. In fact, I am very close to my 400Th post, so I hope that I can get a good giveaway together for all of you. Love, Hugs, and Many Blessings. Also Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I will be alone and may just stay in bed and thank God for all my blessings.

Just another day in my life!

Hi everyone. I said I would not post anything negative again, but getting it off my chest always helps me and this time it was the worst thing that could happen to me. As I said before I was to have another epidural on the 7Th and all went well. It was scary at first when I saw 7 different injections, so I asked the nurse if those were all for me---yes! Before he started, my doctor came in my little waiting area and I broke down and cried, so we talked and he decided it was time to increase my bipolar dosage. I was feeling so good until 4 days later when my 2 sisters came to pack up the youngest sister's things. My sister and I had a huge argument and it led up to her yelling at me to shut up, but not the words she used. You can push someone so far and they finally pushed me to a breaking point and I decided to stand up for myself, but she ended up throwing a glass of water in my face. Normally, I let her walk all over me and bow to her, but I took my bottle of water and threw it in her face. It made her so mad, I guess she wasn't expecting that from me, that she came up right to my face and I didn't flinch an inch, making her really mad and she punched me in the mouth and it knocked me to the floor, hitting my head on a cabinet handle then to the floor smack on my back. My younger sister saw everything, but told the police she didn't see anything---3 feet from me. I was bleeding every where and she wanted to wipe my mouth and I told her not to touch me. My sister who hit me, started laughing and making jokes about having the police take pictures and saying in a very ugly way "Oh she's hurt, call 911 and the police" all the while laughing at me and calling me crazy. It's one thing for other people to call bipolar people crazy, but when your family does it, it hurts deep. They all have stolen my trust and taken away what feelings I had for them. So now, I am removing myself from them completely after my children's urging. When I was out of their lives I was the happiest person you would ever want to know. I just happened to go to Goodwill this past weekend and found a book "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted". So I asked for their forgiveness for the things I told my younger sister, but now I want them out of my life. I got an email from the youngest, but I have put them in my spam folder. I emailed her back just as I did my other sister and told them if they have anything to say, email Al, as he is taking over power of attorney, so I don't have to be subject to getting assaulted again, then have them all lie about it. I am free and God is taking care of me. My children are very upset and said things I never thought they would say about the sister who hit me. One of them does not trust her anymore and that was very hard to hear, but it's the truth. I will not put myself in that situation Ever again. My epidural didn't work and I have to have an MRI to see if the bulging disk has herniated. I had to postpone my angiogram because I could not lay on my back, but I think I may be able to now, so I am calling to reschedule it today. I prayed a lot about filing charges and have decided that I will let God handle this for me, except for my brother. He has abused too many women to allow this to continue and I would feel worse if he ended up really hurting a woman or worse, killing them.

Other than that, life is good--God is great. I have my craft closet organized and have sent what I don't need to Al's to store for me.

Well I had to get up to take some meds, so the heating pad is just right. The swelling on my left side of the spine is still swollen, so I go from heat to ice. My doctor doesn't know about this assault and I know what he will tell me. I can't have another epidural for 3 months, so I will have to live with the pain for a while. I know many of you are sleeping, but I will still say Good Morning and hope your day will be as joyful as mine. Love and hugs, Pat

A Pink Warrior sent me the sweetest gift and I will take a picture and post it later. It brightened my day so much that I cried tears of joy instead of pain. Thank you so much.

Tough diagnosis and prayers needed

You know many of us always want to question God as to why things happen to us. I have always thought of myself as a good, decent, and loving person, so does that mean that bad things happen to good people? I guess I answered my own question because I honestly believe God loves me with all His might, but today we got some horrible, yet not so tragic news. I have early stage emphysema and yes, I was a smoker, but I used toxic glue without ventilation more than I smoked. We spent 4 hours at the doctors office having tests done. I had a pulmonary function test done twice, once before a breathing treatment then again after. No more second hand smoke or using glue without a mask. If that wasn't bad enough, he was examining me and when he pressed on the area where my gall bladder is located, I almost jumped off the table, plus he felt a hernia. So here I am sitting in the office and he calls a surgeon which I have to see on Thursday, but before going there, I am having a complete blood workup.

All this time, I thought I just had a virus or something, but because the pain would go away after a while, then return, I had to tell the doctor----Al is a snitch, so unless I want to lie to the doctor, I have to leave him home. I can't say that I am not afraid because I watched my mom suffer with it. This was my second opinion, so there is no use getting a 3rd when both doctors agree.

Wednesday, Al and I are going over to our friends house and doing some repairs in her bathroom and we are forgoing the closet extension for now. Some things are more important than myself and this project has made me happier than I have been in quite some time.

So tonight I ask that you ask your friends and family to pray for us. Once I get pass the shock of this, I will return with happy thoughts and positive thinking because I have the Greatest Being standing next to me and will catch me if I fall---My Lord Jesus and tonight I thank Him for all His Blessings He has given us, so we are Paying it Forward instead of blowing our income tax refund on trivial things. God Bless all of you for standing by me and not calling me a "whiner"---I just need prayers. Love and Hugs, Pat

Love is a beautiful gift

I had the Most wonderful day yesterday. Carol's daughter needed a ride to go to the hospital to see baby Kaden, so I told her I would take her. Well if you know me, I have a very soft heart and I haven't held a newborn baby in a very long time, especially one so tiny. Now I know how the Grinch must have felt when his heart got so big. The picture above says it all---I fell in love at first sight and since I have no grand babies of my own to spoil, guess who will be???? I also got to witness what a great job Carol has done being a single mom raising 2 girls, one now in college and one with a baby who is growing into a young adult who will be a great mom. If I lived closer, I would love to be able to babysit Kaden while Victoria finishes school. As I watched her feed her baby, I saw a love that no one can deny. I am like Carol, I am so proud of this young girl that I met over 7 years ago. They need all the prayers and support so I am asking all of you to please say a financial prayer for them because they are having a rough time. I know in my heart that God will provide for them, but there are a few things that God can't come down and do Himself, so He sends angels to help with repairs and things. I always wondered why God allowed me to live and for what purpose I had in life besides being a good mom and wife. I finally got my answer. Thank you Lord for all your blessings.

Also could you please keep my friend Bryan in your prayers. He came for a visit today and things are not so great since Pop died the day after Christmas.

The baby shower was great on Saturday and there were soooo many people, but it was really fun and she got lots of wonderful things. One of the games they played, was really fun to watch. Victoria picked 6 people she wanted to play, but I had to decline because my lungs are not strong enough to suck on a baby bottle---the fun would have been picking me up off the floor.

Well I am going back to reading my new magazine we picked up yesterday---I finally got a copy of Artful Blogger, so maybe I can learn a few things. Have a wonderful night and may God bring you peaceful sleep for a beautiful day tomorrow. Love and Hugs, Pat

Just a Little Nervous today

Well the day has arrived and we are leaving in a few minutes to get my results. I can't say that I am not nervous, but I feel like it will be good news, even though I will still need the pain pump---better than surgery.

We almost have the decorations down, so hopefully I can tolerate the pain and get some spring cleaning done early. One of my friends is going to paint for me---getting rid of the wallpaper and painting the room a soft brown color.

I will return tonight and hopefully have some Great news. Love, hugs, and prayers, Pat